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Pretty certain that I permanently have dark rings under my eyes. Look like I got punched. Again. Another round of not sleeping but this time completely different reason. Still another bad call. I've been on almost a constant streak of those since I've gotten here. Actually more so since I got involved with the For Hires again and this Ai family.
...I should've left when I could. Now I'm just a tired idiot left wide awake in an atrium. (Note to self: At least I remember how to climb a tree. Hopefully I don't pass out up here.)
I've been constantly doing jobs. Doing reconnaissance and targeting for Control. Haunting someone before ending them kept me focused. These lulls at the hotel don't help however. It allows me to think. At least no one is here to question why. No one to break this familiar routine. I don't need to bother anyone with my problems.
There was that break on Wednesday. It was rather fun and nice. A good way to step away from the constant what ifs and memories that want to tear me apart. It aggravated some wounds though. Some cuts on my side had bled through the bandage and onto my shirt. At least I had my jacket to cover the mess. Also thank dieu for pain killers. It helps hide injuries...only physical ones though.
Why did I let myself ramble? Why couldn't I have seen the signs better? I never meant any harm but my confusion and stupidity created this. Just...huh. I didn't run away. I should've. I regret everything so much but I've already done so much damage.
Why do I miss him? Dammit I said farewell. That should be it. End of story. No more. He doesn't want to see me again. It was clear. So enough.
...I'll delete this later. At least I got it out in a recording. There's more work to be done. Maybe that will help. For now I'll stick to enjoying time in a tree.
...I should've left when I could. Now I'm just a tired idiot left wide awake in an atrium. (Note to self: At least I remember how to climb a tree. Hopefully I don't pass out up here.)
I've been constantly doing jobs. Doing reconnaissance and targeting for Control. Haunting someone before ending them kept me focused. These lulls at the hotel don't help however. It allows me to think. At least no one is here to question why. No one to break this familiar routine. I don't need to bother anyone with my problems.
There was that break on Wednesday. It was rather fun and nice. A good way to step away from the constant what ifs and memories that want to tear me apart. It aggravated some wounds though. Some cuts on my side had bled through the bandage and onto my shirt. At least I had my jacket to cover the mess. Also thank dieu for pain killers. It helps hide injuries...only physical ones though.
Why did I let myself ramble? Why couldn't I have seen the signs better? I never meant any harm but my confusion and stupidity created this. Just...huh. I didn't run away. I should've. I regret everything so much but I've already done so much damage.
Why do I miss him? Dammit I said farewell. That should be it. End of story. No more. He doesn't want to see me again. It was clear. So enough.
...I'll delete this later. At least I got it out in a recording. There's more work to be done. Maybe that will help. For now I'll stick to enjoying time in a tree.
