spectre_de_la_mort (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spectre_de_la_mort) wrote2015-08-06 10:31 pm
spectre_de_la_mort) wrote2015-08-06 10:31 pm
Never One to Complain
...I don't know what to do. After talking to Florida in the hospital, I don't know. Nothing. Was I wrong in believing what my mother taught me and trained me to be like? Is it bad to put myself so low compared to everyone else?
I'm so confused now. Maine apparently never returned after leaving me at the hospital. Then he vanished yesterday when I got out. He wanted to be with Delta. It makes sense. Wednesdays are theirs. He should be with that man if so desired rather than sit around watching me be bored. So does family truly come first? It's hard to tell with Maine nowadays.
Florida has been all over the place. He hated that I willingly accepted to being second compared to Tex. He stayed around the hospital more than Maine did. Where does this family lie anymore? I can't decide. The actions being done counteract each other and I'm left puzzled with more questions now.
Am I right in standing idly by as people make choices? Keeping to myself unless absolutely necessary? Does that make me come off as weak? ...am I losing touch with who I thought was family? All because I'm used to being voiceless and obeying orders? Following the cues around me?
...I am not worthy of being someone's number one. I'm just hired gun that drags people into trouble and draws too much attention when I stumble doing my jobs. Florida has Tex. Maine has Delta.
Second place isn't so bad.
I'm so confused now. Maine apparently never returned after leaving me at the hospital. Then he vanished yesterday when I got out. He wanted to be with Delta. It makes sense. Wednesdays are theirs. He should be with that man if so desired rather than sit around watching me be bored. So does family truly come first? It's hard to tell with Maine nowadays.
Florida has been all over the place. He hated that I willingly accepted to being second compared to Tex. He stayed around the hospital more than Maine did. Where does this family lie anymore? I can't decide. The actions being done counteract each other and I'm left puzzled with more questions now.
Am I right in standing idly by as people make choices? Keeping to myself unless absolutely necessary? Does that make me come off as weak? ...am I losing touch with who I thought was family? All because I'm used to being voiceless and obeying orders? Following the cues around me?
...I am not worthy of being someone's number one. I'm just hired gun that drags people into trouble and draws too much attention when I stumble doing my jobs. Florida has Tex. Maine has Delta.
Second place isn't so bad.